I am writing a new book. I have finished the outline and the research. I have an appointment with my writing coach to go over the first draft of the first three chapters next week.
I have a problem though. I have not written them. I had three weeks to write and will be cramming this weekend to get it done.
I was like this through school as well. Doing my work at the last minute never did me any favors. I always got good grades despite doing rush jobs. But I lost out on getting excellent grades and the feeling of pride in my work.
Why do I do this to myself even now as a mature adult? Fear is the answer. When I was young I believed I was lazy and undisciplined.
The truth is that when my brain has fearful thoughts about my ability to be excellent in my pursuits, I procrastinate. It is a survival function of my brain.
My brain wants to protect me from harm, including emotional and social harm. When I am afraid that I won't write well, that I won't use the proper words or accepted phrases, I don't think rationally.
In the face of fear my rational brain shuts down and it puts up defenses to keep me from the pain of failure or rejection. My thoughts turn to all the other things that I could be doing instead of facing my fears.
Knowing this did not help me this time. I gave in to the fear and worked on other things with great enthusiasm. I'm sure many of you can relate.
Procrastination is much less of a problem than in the past, but it is a reminder that I still have fears to conquer. The fear in this instance is the fear of not being good enough, of not being able to speak to my intended audience convincingly.
God has the answer to my fear. He has spoken to me through His word. He told me not to think of what I should say before I speak, but to trust the Holy Spirit to give me the words I will need.
I need to internalize this belief until it is stronger than the fear belief. As I work on that and writing as quickly as possible, I have something to ask you.
What fear is causing you to procrastinate and what truth from God can overcome that fear?
